©

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

image

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

image

rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

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IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

image

i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

(Source: braingremlin, via sometimelow)

posted 7 hours ago with 371,786 notes  braingremlin)

meatbicyclevevo:

When you refuse to dance even if the beat is funky

image

(Source: meatbicyclevevo, via uhmeliamay)

posted 7 hours ago with 90,456 notes  meatbicyclevevo)

homudokas:

do you ever feel like a plastic swag

(Source: psychopass, via eyeballfarts)

posted 7 hours ago with 79,722 notes  psychopass)

(Source: vinebox, via beyoncebeytwice)

posted 10 hours ago with 84,105 notes  vinebox)

kawaiigod:

i swiped my card at mcdonalds like please GOD! if youre real let this transaction approve and it did and i was like well i need more proof thanks though

(Source: zootedboy, via uhmeliamay)

posted 11 hours ago with 62,437 notes  zootedboy)

(Source: time-lord-vonnegut, via poodlepunk)

posted 12 hours ago with 104,476 notes  time-lord-vonnegut)

the first three words are what you want most in life right now

dylanobroden:

image

"a sense of purpose" huh.

(via alwysdoubtful)

posted 12 hours ago with 26,533 notes  dylanobroden)

710642:

well? can he????

(via supermoclel)

posted 13 hours ago with 60,084 notes  710642)

dirtydisneyconfessions:

ok dude, i know you wanna fuck the granny queen from a bugs life, we’ve gotten your confession 385 fucking times, we get it, you love fucking old wrinkly ass ants, stop fucking submitting it.

(via thequeenofkanto)

posted 23 hours ago with 141,301 notes  dirtydisneyconfessions)

majesticaljeff:

rednecktex:

huffy-lemon:

Favorite story posts part 1

That last one

My dad says the ‘making love in a canoe’ about american beer

(via mavin-is-needed)

posted 1 day ago with 225,612 notes  huffy-lemon)

(Source: gnomesy, via perks-of-being-chinese)

posted 1 day ago with 319,411 notes  gnomesy)

sofiaauditores:

*inhales* what a beautiful day *exhales* to play video games for 15 hours straight

(Source: phantonhives, via perks-of-being-chinese)

posted 2 days ago with 207,479 notes  phantonhives)

meladoodle:

meladoodle:

im good at flirting cause i can turn any conversation sexual. im serious. try me.

imagecloudy with a chance of MY COCK

(Source: meladoodle, via eyeballfarts)

posted 2 days ago with 88,642 notes  meladoodle)

gaydicks420:

last night i woke up because two dudes were fighting underneath my window and one dude kept screaming “BRO!! BRO YOU CALLED ME A BITCH IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE BAR BRO!! THE WHOLE BAR!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT BRO??” he sounded so heart broken. why bro. why did you do this.

(via gray-wash)

posted 2 days ago with 207,623 notes  gaydicks420)

tardis-thehauntedsexysnogbox:

padalemons:

insertfandomnamehere:

just a few things i’ve collected about tumblr’s view on parenting

dont forget this gem:

this entire post just made my day

(via gray-wash)

posted 2 days ago with 881,686 notes  insertfandomnamehere)