meryl, brad and i at the oscars
once i had a dream that my cat was working at mcdonalds w/ me and she had a lil uniform and she kept getting fur in the fries and everyone was yelling at me and saying “ur cat sucks on fries” and i was like “shes just a cat give her a break!” and i woke up crying
Direct quote from my boyfriend, turned into a picture.
look at this Funky little duck
please look at this duck
fuck the duck
DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THE DUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a couple days ago my brother was driving and he saw a traffic camera flash at him but he was going the speed limit so he drove by it 5 more times thinking it was funny because he was doing nothing wrong and today he got 6 tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt
today my little brother (hes six) put a seashell to his ear and told me the ocean said im a nerd
The evolution of answering “what time is it?”
"Time to get a watch XD"
"T̨̹̲̖͚̫̩͈i͍̰̜m̳̩̩̲̼̫̭e̵̲̻̻̼̟̱ ͏͍͉͔̪t̵̝̺o g̢̮̖̦è͈̰͍͈͓̟t̟̮͚̻̤͓̠̀ ̻̼̻c̬͟r̸͙̻̮̩ea̺̲̰̤̬͚͠ͅt̙̹̟ì̟v̳͓͖̺̀ȩ̫̼.̢"
Time to d-d-d-d-d-duel
when people reblog two part posts in the wrong order
she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere
"mommy sing me a lullaby"
“aight lay me down a beat sweetiepie”
anyone without a fireplace as a kid can relate to how horrific it was watching santa liquify and slowly ooze through heating vents
Let’s play a fun game called “fuck off”. You go first.
the baby boom is singularly my favorite event in american history. I mean seriously all the WWII soldiers came home and had enough victory sex that they created one of the greatest population increases in the history of the country
also it sounds like the exploding of children
two types of people
and theyre both me. wow